Is It Too Early To Be Spring Cleaning? (or Out With The Unused)

I’m been on a bit of a cleaning spree lately. I don’t keep a messy house, but when you live in a place that is about 400 square feet, it always seems like I have a lot of stuff.

I’m always jealous when I go visit my friends with big apartments and the amount of open space that they have. Everything looks so much cleaner that way. No matter how much I clean, my house always seems a bit crowded just due to the lack of space.

So I’ve been working on going through my things and trying to make some more space in my house (and no Mom, I’m not just cleaning because you are coming to visit soon).

I still can’t seem to get rid of my old clothes, but since those live under my bed I’ve decided that they can stay for now. And most of the clothes in my closet are things that I wear. If I haven’t worn them in a year, they go, but I don’t have anything like that right now.

I’m slowly going through my purses and shoes. I know that there are plenty of things I can get rid of. I donated 3 bags of things, which included some shoes and purses, but I know there is more that can go.

The one thing that I’ve been struggling with getting rid of are my books. I have an e-reader that I use 99% of the time and I hardly ever read an actual book. There are some books that are signed or are very special to me that I will keep no matter what, but I can’t seem to get rid of the others yet. I think that I just have to take the plunge and empty my bookcase out (and then I can use it for other things).

I think part of the reason I’m cleaning like crazy is the less cluttered my mind feels the less cluttered I want my house to be. I’m finally having some clarity in my life and I want that to reflect in my house too.

And yes, maybe I do want my mom to be extra impressed when she sees my house in 2 weeks.

Plus Sized Workouts (or Are Clothing Companies Trying To Keep Me Heavy?)

Shopping for clothing in general for me is tough. I’ve talked about that a couple of times.

But shopping for workout clothes that fit me seems to be almost impossible.

I have a couple of t-shirts that are junky enough to be gross and sweaty, and for spinning I’ve been wearing tamis from Old Navy (no joke, when I went to grab this link, I saw that tamis were on sale and bought 4 more). Those tamis are nice and long on me, so when I’m bent over the spin bike, I’m not worrying about them riding up.

But workout pants are have always been weird. Not only do I need to find some that are big enough, I’m short so I need to find them in petite (or hope that they are short enough to not look weird on me). The first time I was trying to lose weight as an adult, I bought some workout pants at Lane Bryant. And nothing against the store, but those workout pants were beyond ugly! I might not have the world’s cutest butt, but those pants made it look like I was wearing a diaper.

I’ve tried the stretch capri pants at Target, but even their largest size was a little small around the waist for me. And on one of my magical trips to Old Navy (I swear that they are not sponsoring or paying me for this post at all), I found these great workout capris.  I love the fold-over part at the waist because it makes me feel like my stomach is being held in a bit.

In the store, they only have regular length, so I bought one pair of those to hold me over. I ordered 3 more in the petite length, and those 4 workout pants can get me through any week.

(this is where most guys will want to stop reading)

Sports bras are tough for almost anyone. It doesn’t matter what size you are, it seems like you can never find one that is right. I ended up going to a store for a professional bra fitting. It was a fancy store on Ventura Blvd (but I can’t remember the name of it) and they did a great job fitting me. If you’ve never had a proper bra fitting before, I recommend getting one done. I’d also recommend going somewhere like a lingerie or department store where they have more than one brand of bra. Also, be warned that a bra fitting is very touchy-feely and hands on (I have no modesty issues and even I blushed once or twice).

Sadly, most of the regular bras there were over $150, so I didn’t get any of those. But they did have 2 sports bras (one for low impact and a compression one for high impact) that were on sale. I got those, and I have to say that my boobs don’t hurt anymore when exercising (which is not the easiest thing to accomplish).

I wish that clothing companies were more accepting of all sizes, especially for workout gear. It’s tough when you want to lose weight but all the workout clothes are for people who are already a couple of sizes smaller than you are. But I’ve found something that works now, and one day, I’ll fit into all the cute gear that I see in other stores!

Just Because I’m Not Skinny Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Want To Look Cute (or More Shopping Drama)

I’ve talked before about hard tough it can be to shop when you aren’t skinny. I’ve also talked before about my love of Pinterest.

I love searching the boards on Pinterest for tons of stuff. One of my favorite sections is the Women’s Fashion section. There are so many ideas for clothes. Some of them are craft ideas with clothes (I totally want to make this sweater!). Some pins are about accessories.

But most of the pins are of really cute outfit combinations. I would totally rock any of those looks.

But sadly, until I lose weight and fit into a “normal” size, I won’t be able to create those outfits. There are a few stores that carry clothes in my size. Even fewer that carry pants or jeans that are both plus size and petite. And unless I want to order things online and take a chance on it fitting, I have only select stores that I can go to.

I am not trying to sound like a victim. I know that it is my fault that I am this size. I haven’t gotten control over my eating disorder yet. I hope that one day, the eating disorder will be a distant memory (although I think I’ll always have disordered eating habits).

But until that day, I need to still cloth myself and I’d like to look cute. I’m single, young(ish), and trying to live a full life. But when most of the clothing options for me are either very old-looking or something that maybe a middle schooler would wear, it’s tough to look how I’d like.

I’m thinking about seeing about testing out a personal shopper (you can use one for free at Bloomingdales). I might not purchase the clothes, but at least I can get an idea of what I should look for in other stores. Or maybe I can say that I’d like to look at clothes that are mainly on sale.

I don’t think I’ll have time to do too much shopping before I’m (f)unemployed, but maybe this could be something to look forward to in the new year.

Holding On (or When Is It Time To Donate Old Clothes?)

When I lived at my old apartment, my closet was so big, you could fit a bed in there (seriously). I kept all my clothes in there, even those that didn’t fit because they were too big or too small. In my current house, my closet is tiny (people in the 1920’s didn’t have nearly as many clothes as we do now).

So under my bed, I’ve got these:

They are giant under the bed clothing storage bags (you can tell that they are almost as long as my queen bed is wide).

In those bags, I’ve kept a lot of my “skinny” clothes. There are some things in there that I never got to wear (the white top with a blue Hawaiian print was never worn). Some of these clothes probably won’t ever be worn again because they are a bit out of style or I feel are a little too young for me. I should probably drop them off at Goodwill to get a tax deduction.

But I can’t seem to get rid of them.

I’ve got this dress that I loved in the summertime. Here I am wearing it at Disneyland.

And this dress that I wore to my brother’s graduation from USC.

I wore this dress to my Grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary dinner.

And this dress was only worn once on the night after Thanksgiving one year for my Grandma’s birthday dinner.

I’ve got my high school prom dress (I liked when I was the same size I was in high school).

And I’ve got a bathing suit that I wore when I was very close to my goal weight in 2007 (I remember being so nervous to wear it because my scars from my hip surgery had not fully faded after a year).

Some of these things, I probably will want to keep forever for sentimental reasons. But when I was digging though the bags over the weekend, I realized that some of these items would be perfect for the week I’ll be in Hawaii for my brother’s wedding next year.

I don’t want to make it a goal to fit into them, because if I don’t I’ll be very upset and could be a bit depressed. But if I did manage to fit into them, it would be amazing.

I’m thinking about taking one dress out of the bag soon and keeping it in my closet as a test dress. Maybe as I keep losing weight (even though it’s still going slowly) I can see how much closer I am to fitting into it.

I know I need something other than the scale to test my progress and maybe this could be it.

It’s Hot Outside (or Why the Heat Makes My Body Lie to Me)

It’s summer. It’s hot. And I know that living in LA isn’t as bad as living in Arizona or Las Vegas, but everyone I know who lives in those places has air conditioning. I don’t have it at my house.

And when you are gone all day working, you come home to a house that is like an oven. Some days, it’s over 90 degrees in my bedroom (I have a thermometer on my alarm clock). And despite my best efforts to cool down my house by opening the windows or using a fan, I seem to still go to bed in a hot room.

It’s difficult to sleep, so I’ve been exhausted the past few days. And since I live in such an old house, the fuses in my house might not be able to handle the power of an air conditioner. I’m looking into getting a box fan that fits in a window, but for now, I’m dealing with it.

One of my least favorite things about the heat (besides always being sweaty), is that my body swells up in the heat. I remember learning that this happens to most people in one of my adventures in eating disorder group therapy. I was in that group for about 3 years, and each summer the therapist would remind us that our clothes might fit a lot tighter during the summer and not to stress about it.

But my pants feel like I’ve gained 50 pounds and it’s hard not to stress about it. Every morning, I’m almost scared to try to put on my jeans. I hate the feeling of them being so tight, because all I can think is that I’m gaining weight. And I can’t even make myself step on the scale. Because all I can think is what if it’s not my body swelling up in the heat but me gaining weight. The thought of going on the scale right now almost brings me to a panic attack.

So for now, I put on my super tight jeans, head to work where fortunately there is air conditioning, and wait for it to cool down a bit.