No Stress Dinner (or Not Missing Thanksgiving Dinner Again)

I’ve mentioned how I’ve done the UCLA RFO diet before. I actually did it two times, in 2006 and 2007. In 2006, I did it mainly because I needed a fast way to lose weight before having hip surgery. I started the diet in February and stopped in October so I could eat Thanksgiving dinner.

That Thanksgiving dinner was one of the first real meals I had after being on the RFO program. I was so nervous to eat food, so I spent about 2 months prior to the date working with a therapist on exactly what I would eat. I planned out every bite. I brought my own measuring tools (because I knew I could trust them).

And what I learned is that the meal I planned out was actually more food than I usually would have allowed myself to have. My big weakness is the stuffing, so I do have to make sure I don’t go overboard on it.

In 2007, when I did the diet again, I actually was on the diet on Thanksgiving. Everyone was enjoying the meal, and I drank a 100 calorie chocolate shake. Not so fun.

Since 2007, I really did realize that one meal will not make or break it. It’s how I react to that meal that makes the difference. If I feel like I blew it, I can’t go overboard for a month after (it’s happened), because I screwed up for one night.

So for tomorrow, I’m going to enjoy my meal. I will possibly measure out the stuffing (since it’s at my parents’ house I know I can trust their measuring devices), but I’m not going to stress over it.

Tonight is a fancy meal to celebrate my grandma’s birthday, so I know that I’ll be having 2 big meals in a row. And to keep my sanity, I am not planning on weighing myself again until the middle of next week. The combination of big meals, stress from flying, and taking my panic medications will make me take on some water weight, and I know that the number will be a “fake” number.

What I’ve Been Eating (or Does It Really Matter If I’m Still Under My Calories?)

If I’m being honest with you all (and myself), my food has not been too great lately. With my work schedule, there are only certain days that I can go to the grocery store. And when I did go this past week, I didn’t really feel like getting enough to last all the days it needed to.

I’ve had some fast food this week. When I don’t bring a lunch with me to work, that’s almost the only option. We only have 30 minutes and most of the restaurants near my work would take much longer than that.

Even though I’ve been eating some foods that I probably shouldn’t, I’m still tracking my calories in My Fitness Pal. And shockingly, I’m staying under my calorie goal most days. These calories are not the best to have, but I’m wondering if that matters.

I’m maintaining the weight loss that I had from both not being able to eat food and being sick. Sometimes, it will go up a pound or two, but I think that’s more from sodium than anything.

I don’t want to be stuck in this routine. It’s not good. But it’s tough to get out. I should have gone to the grocery store yesterday, but I didn’t. And tonight, I’m working until 9pm and I really hate going to the grocery store that late. Honestly, I probably won’t make it to the store until Wednesday.

So I have to figure out what I’ll do for lunch today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Dinner for tonight and tomorrow most likely will be Subway. Subway is my go-to place and since I get a veggie sandwich, I know I’ll get my vegetable servings in for the day. But lunch is the tricky meal. Since I eat lunch at 4:30, my body isn’t always hungry. But if I don’t eat then, I’ll feel faint by 9pm.

I wish I could write that I have a great plan figured out for this week, but I don’t. I’m probably going to have fast food again. But all I can do is track the calories and work as hard as possible to stay under my numbers for the day.

Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

In my acting class on Tuesday night, I heard some advice that I’ve heard previously. But for some reason this was the time that the advice really stuck with me.

Nerves are just excitement that is labeled negatively.

This advice come from Jack Plotnick (you can read the whole story that goes along with that advice here).

This advice is perfect for my acting career. I don’t always get nervous for auditions. When the part seems so far away from who I am or what I look like, I don’t worry at all. But when the part I’m reading for sounds just like me and I fit the physical description perfectly, I’m usually a bundle of nerves.

But this advice also works out perfectly for the weight loss journey that I’m on right now. I’m so nervous if this will work this time. Ever other time I’ve lost 100 pounds (and there have been a few times), I’ve done it on some crazy diet plan like the Zone food delivery or on the RFO plan. But this time, I’m doing it the right way. I’m exercising more and being careful what I eat.

One thing that I’ve kept with me from my RFO days is how to figure out how many calories you need to be at any weight. The standard is 10 calories for every pound. So if you want to weigh 130 pounds, you have to have an average of 1300 calories a day. You can eat more if you burn calories exercising, but your daily average is 10 calories per pound.  But within the RFO program, there was a way to figure out our exact numbers. And I only get to have 9.3 calories per pound.

I’m not at the calories right now that I would have to be at to maintain the weight that I hope to be at. That seems a bit too low for me now. So I’m slowly working my way down to that. Once the number of calories I eat every day seems to be ok, I’ll drop my number by 50 calories.

I’m incredibly nervous that I’m never going to like this again:

But now I am going to think how excited I’m going to be when I get closer to my goal. I’m going to be excited to put on clothes that used to fit that now live in a storage bag under my bed. I’m excited to see what the future has in store for me.